A Conversation.....My Version

The other night, it was difficult for me to fall asleep.  Maybe if I talk to the Lord, I will ease my mind and then rest easily.The story of  Zacchaeus came to mind, and so I began.........

I can hardly keep up with everyone around me.  They are all moving so fast toward their goals and to the things of this world that people believe will make them happy.  So I stop and slow down and hang my head because I know I will never acquire so much in my life, and I am not going to try.  Suddenly the crowd grows wild and people are running as if their lives depended on it. This time it is a different kind of crowd.  "He"s here, he's here!!"  "Whose here?" I ask.  A young woman stopped and glared at me, "Jesus, Jesus is here.  Where have you been?"  So I pick up speed to see Jesus.  I know of him, but I wonder if he knows me.  I know that I can never keep up with these crazy people, and besides, by the time I get to him, the crowds will squeeze me out and crowds make me uncomfortable as it is.  I see a low hanging branch on a tree near where I stand so I try my best to swing my legs up and around so I can sit and observe from a higher perspective.  I so want to see him but I feel so unworthy.  I fall short of being a good wife, mother and friend.  I am selfish and don't want to leave my comfort zone to help others.  These people below me are much more worthy to be noticed by him than I.  There is John and Tracy who have cancer, Amanda who has seizures, Sue who is pain from a spine that is slowly falling apart, and the grief.....Kathy whose husband died while waiting for a lung transplant, and Pat, whose husband left her after well over 40 yrs.....such pain, such sorrow.  How dare I feel entitled to have his attention?

Just then, I could sense a calm, I hear whispers.  He was looking up at me.  I parted the leaves and looked back at him.  Oh those penetrating beautiful eyes, looking straight into my soul.  I was ashamed.  Then he spoke.  "Ginny, I can see you, so come down and greet me."  That voice, soft, yet strong, firm, yet not condemning, forgiving.  He knew everything about me, the good and the bad.  He walked toward the tree to meet me.  I stood before him, silent, not able to speak.  Then he reached out his arms and embraced me.  I am shaking from disbelief.  I hear this gutteral sound come up from deep inside me, and I realize that I am sobbing.  "Jesus, I give you my wounded heart, my troubled mind.  I give you my broken family.  In total abandonment and trust I surrender my life to you.  I want to follow you, to be with you forever."  In that instant, I inhale the comfort of the one who I worship.  He says, "I want to stay with you at your house.  You are my beloved."